5:02

Forty-one years ago I marched with my friends out into a garden surrounded by the sky scrapers of Manhattan. In a minuscule post-60s rebellion we trimmed our uniform hemlines to the knees. It was a proud moment in my life as I walked up to receive my B.S. degree in nursing, starched cap pinned to the back of my head. The crisp uniforms, white stockings and caps are long gone, and this week, after gainfully using that degree for all but 6 of these 41 years, I pack away my scrubs--the uniforms of today.

The scrubs are just the smallest symbol of the changes that I've seen come to my beloved profession over these many years. Bureaucracy has imposed itself in more ways than I care to be a part of any more. Time for patient care seems short changed by "progress" and there's no going back to how things used to be. But I think the exhausting 12 hour shifts is what sealed the deal for me. It is time to go.

And so such a sobering time has come to me. For my nursing was never just a job, it was a life calling to the very core of my being. Since a small child, I dreamed of being a nurse. I went to a very competitive nursing school so graduating was a huge success for me.  Over the years I have loved making patients more comfortable, helping their families cope, and in the last 24 years, I've enjoyed a job helping new moms learn how to breastfeed and care for their wee ones. Working in a big city hospital has provided enough human interest stories to fill a book. And so I will miss it as I retire this week. It's a bit like having an arm cut off. It will be an ache for a long time.

But I will adjust. Of course I have a long list of long neglected projects needing to be done and friends to have coffee with. My mother needs more attention, I long to spend more time with our grandchildren, and I look forward to continuing to encourage younger women.

My bedside alarm clock has been set to 5:02 for many, many years. Set so I would wake to the weather of the day and then the traffic, anticipating the early morning commute. My guess is the alarm may not always stay at that time, but it's my internal clock that will continue to wake me before dawn.