Thursday, September 20, 2018

my numbers are falling

At a funeral recently, the Gardener nudged me and pointed to some scripture written in the 
program. "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the 
ground apart from your Father. But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. 
Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows." He's always the 
encourager and I knew he was trying to remind me God has every hair on my 
head numbered and knows what's going on with each one, 
whether it's falling out, growing longer, or turning white.

Years ago I read about a beautiful woman with long dark hair who was in the throes of chemo. 
She told about her hair falling out and used this same scripture. 
She called her story, "My Numbers are Falling."

I'm not sure why my hair is falling out--more than ever before. 
I've always been proud of my very thick hair. 
There's still plenty there, but if this falling continues, there may not be.

It's been an unusual summer. Lots of travel interspersed with two surgeries to remove cataracts. 
With each surgery I became allergic to the post-operative drops, but not until two weeks after. 
What followed was concerning: very blurred vision (after wonderful 20/20), and with one eye, 
a lot of pain and itching. All is well now.

I could have titled this post "The Great Thirst." For indeed I had a thirst to end all thirsts 
earlier in the summer.  I ignored it for weeks as we were traveling. Deep inside I knew 
what it meant but was in denial, hoping it was something else. 
It was unquenchable, and I marveled at it's depth and insatiability. 
I hadn't noticed I'd lost weight until a friend asked about it. Sure enough, almost 15#.

Once home I began to panic. I couldn't get in to my doctor for several weeks so the 
Gardener gave me his appointment. The doctor didn't even come in to 
see me until his nurse had pricked my finger. Sure enough my blood sugar was "sky high." 
I wonder how long it had been that way. He came in the room with an insulin syringe.

Type 2 Diabetes. It is a hard diagnosis to accept. It took me awhile--I think 
I was a little in shock. Maybe what was hardest was to know this is forever 
(though I have a goal of getting off my medication through diet and exercise.) 
I remember the first time the Gardener and I went shopping for new food for me, 
reading all the labels. 
So discouraging as the primary concern is very low or no carbs. 
But I am adjusting well. My blood sugar is down to normal range 
and I've lost more weight. God's grace has been abundant--my appetite has decreased 
and I rarely am tempted by old favorite foods. Friends have been encouraging and helpful 
and I even had a "keto recipe" cooking class with a friend. I feel better than I've felt in years.

I find a lot of people don't talk about their diabetes, as if it might be something to hide. 
I've decided not to keep quiet about it, because if I can encourage one diabetic to eat properly 
or one "pre diabetic" to watch his or her diet, it will be worth it.

As far as my hair falling out, I suspect it could be related. 
A major stress in my life ... possibly the weight loss. 
I'm just trusting it stops soon.

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