For Lease

Last week I sat in a tiny cubicle, head bent down, studying my pink toenails. The thought that the polish was fading didn't even enter my head as I focused on bigger issues. It was one of those moments when your life flashes in front of you and your mind wanders to contingency plans. I was called to a follow-up ultrasound after a questionable mammogram. I've always dreaded breast cancer. At least three friends died at a much-too-young age from it. Many others recovered and are alive. Was I now about to face it?

For those brief moments of waiting my mind began to separate out what was important in life and what I could do without doing. Then a young woman came to get me, explaining things clearly and kindly. A small candle glowed. I peeked into it. Fake, but a good fake for sure.

Whatever the technician was looking for was playing hide and seek. "If it's just a cyst, I should see a clearly defined circle." I couldn't help but watch the screen with her. When she found it, it was not a clearly defined circle, but more of a blob. She went off to find the radiologist. It had been a busy day of work for me across the road at the hospital and I was tired. I tried to rest, but realized I was fighting fear, though I had felt peace in the days waiting for this test. What I saw on the screen had not been a clearly defined circle so my mind whirled with what may lie ahead.

The radiologist came in. Out came the needle and a tube. For once I turned my head away, not wanting to watch this one. Eventually the news was good. I was suddenly exhausted. Maybe I was more stressed about this than I realized. I just wanted a drink of water and a nap. I walked across the hospital grounds to the parking deck at a slow pace for me. I had been given a new gift of life but was surprised there was no spring to my step. I didn't even call the waiting Gardener right away. I just needed to process this new "lease on life."

At supper I poured water slowly from a pitcher into my glass, watching the sparkle, and listening for the tinkling sounds of water splashing into the glass. Everything seemed crystal clear as, for a change, I took my time at life. And for the first time I realized what the expression a "new lease on life" meant. I'd never thought about the use of the word "lease" before. It suddenly had new meaning. Our lives here on earth are totally on lease, and I'd just renewed mine.