When the Gardener was in graduate school we had a baby. We actually did, much farther along in his studies, but the baby I'm talking about wasn't ours. We subparented this baby.
"Subparenting" was a common term back when the Gardener was in seminary. On the school bulletin board were many job offers for parents wanting to go away for a night, a week, or even a month. The school had a good reputation and I guess they trusted seminary students. We subparented a lot; it was a good way to earn money and gain experience. Once we cared for a family of three children for a month while their parents traveled the world. Another family hired us several times while they went out west for ski vacations. With both of those jobs we dealt with after school activities, homework, household chores, cooking, etc.
But the most wonderful assignment was caring for four month-old Abigail while her parents and big sister went to Israel for a whole month. At the time it didn't seem strange, but I can't imagine it happening now. I don't remember any background checks or technicalities like that. We met the parents once or twice before they left. They must have really trusted us.
Of course I fell in love with Abigail and totally delighted in caring for her. I was so anxious to become a mom myself that I savored every moment with her. We took walks with her stroller, enjoyed bath time, played on the floor together … we easily fell into her routine. We appreciated living in a house rather than our tiny apartment, but most of all we loved caring for our sweet baby-for-a-month. It was like playing house.
Abigail changed a lot in the month her parents were away. When they returned I'm not sure how much she remembered them. And of course it was hard for us to say goodbye to her. I think we babysat a couple of times after that, but then eventually lost touch. I hadn't thought about this experience for a long time when suddenly--boom--it popped into my mind. I wonder what Abigail is like today. She must be about forty.
I sometimes reflect on whether we had even the slightest bit of impact on wee Abigail when her life intertwined with ours for a brief month. I like to think so.
Wow. That's amazing.
ReplyDeleteI would have had a hard time saying goodbye too!
Deanna
Oh Dotsie, this is so sweet. You can be assured you had an impact on Abigail. What trusting folks to allow their baby to you and your husband. I'm sure they saw something very special in the two of you. ♥
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like a wonderful way to earn some money while in school, for sure. But I can't imagine a parent leaving behind their child for a month to travel overseas! I can't even leave my two dogs for that long. Great post, my friend.
ReplyDeleteWow. Things have certainly changed, haven't they? But what a special experience. I'd find it hard to say goodbye, too.
ReplyDeleteOh my....how times have changed! I can't imagine anyone doing that today either. It was a great 'experiment' for you on parenting though. I wonder where Abigail is today and what she would think of this idea. Interesting post. Thanks for your visit and comment. Keep cool. :)
ReplyDeleteDotsie, this story tugs at the heartstrings! First of all, I must say that I cannot even imagine leaving my baby for a month. But, I feel confident that little Abigail was in loving and capable hands. I am sure that it was hard to say goodbye after a month of caring for her as your own. It would be so interesting to know what her life is like today...
ReplyDeleteDo you know where Abigail is today?
ReplyDeleteTimes certainly have changed. I don't know many parents who would leave their baby for a month! How soon did you start your family after that? I could see where it would either make you wait a very long time, or get going as soon as the Gardener was out of graduate school.
ReplyDeleteWow. Things really have changed. So glad sweet Abigail had your had your love and care for that time!
ReplyDeleteI have never heard of this practice and you and your husband must have made the parents feel at ease to leave their children with you. As said, never mind the police checks etc. today - it probably just wouldn't happen, or be illegal.
ReplyDeleteThe fact that you sub parented doesn't surprise me Dotsie with all the wonderful giving you've done in the past and continue to do.
This all sounds very odd to me on so many levels, but if Abigail's parents left her for a month to travel in Israel, I am very glad that you and your husband were left in charge. Wouldn't it be great fun to find Abigail again? If you prayed, you had an impact. Of that, I am sure.
ReplyDeletePodso,
ReplyDeleteLoving and caring for a child at any age will always leave a h u g e impact.
I'm sure she felt the blessing of your sub~parenting!!!
Fondly,
Pat
This post tugged at my heart, Dot. How kind of you and your husband to do this with so many families in need of someone loving and trustful. Taking care of Abigail was truly not only a labor of love but one that created a bond---it doesn't get any better than that.
ReplyDeleteJane x
This is so interesting, Dotsie. I can't imagine parents letting someone sub-parent their child/children for such a long period of time these days to travel. I do know that many full time professional women hire nannies to live in and help with childcare. In any event these experiences must have been a nice one for you and prepared you for parenthood yourself!
ReplyDeleteWhat an interesting post. Reminded me of the lady who had me, a 13 year old, babysit her 6 month old baby all summer while they worked.
ReplyDeleteI was good at it and even did her dishes etc but I would be a nervous wreck nowadays thinking about trusting one so young with a baby !
I am just now seeing this post....oh wow! You are right, this probably would never happen today...40 years ago the world was a different place, for sure. Although I could not fathom leaving a child with someone I barely knew, let alone a newborn, there must have been something about you and your Gardener that showed them that they truly could trust you! As awesome as that is, it is still quite unusual to say the least! It kind of reminds me (although not quite as extreme) of a new couple who came to our church several years ago who quickly made friends with another couple and after not being there for very long at all, they left their two little girls with them for a week while they went on a cruise! It would be so wonderful if you did find her after all of these years....we never know what impact we might have had on someone, regardless of age or how long ago it was. Thanks for sharing this story, Dotsie :)
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