A Conversation

Wife: (stupid question) Do you think there could be some kind of curse on you or your family? (After a fourth near-death experience.)

Husband: No.
Wife: Sins of the father being visited on the offspring?

Husband: No.
Wife: Why this incredible list of maladies you've had the last 35 years, especially this one?

Husband: So God can be glorified.
Wife: I can think of other ways.

Husband: You're not in charge.

After another serious bout for my husband with life threatening P.E.s (many clots in both lungs) this week, we are home from the hospital. The effect of it all starts to hit me. As I vacuum, I feel sad and wonder if I should start questioning "why." I stop vacuuming and thus begins another conversation:

Wife: Why? And why you?
Husband: Don't even waste your emotions thinking that way. Just stop right now.

Wife: But....
Husband: I'm kind of curious and excited about what God is going to do with this, and because of this. And I know He'll get glory in how we respond to it.

So now the nitty gritty starts. The big test. By faith and many praying, we've gotten through the main crisis. But how will I continue to respond as I process it all? How will I manage watching my beloved struggle with frequent blood tests, trips to the doctor, always fearful of eating too much spinach, always watching for bleeding, remembering to keep his legs moving, to take his afternoon Coumadin.... In faith? And to His glory? Or, with fear of a next time. Begging him home from travel in the deadly skies or the long drives (both bad for clots). A friend writes, "Don't give in to fear and stay home under a blanket for the rest of your life."

It's a daily determined uphill walk, garnering strength for faith, through the One who not only enables faith, but also receives it and is glorified through it. It's all about Christ being central in our lives. It's all about a willingness to sacrifice too, but that's a conversation for another day.